Hello friends!
Its been a while and my apologies for the delay in new posts. I have been going through some growing this past few weeks and just wasn’t in a place where I could produce new content. However, I am back and what a week its been!
Monday Mornings:
Every Monday morning, I have a person who reminds me that its Monday and Mondays are for sharks!
He lives by this metaphor, and uses it to remind me that I need to set the tone for my day and my week. To be fearless, relentless and to conquer what needs to be done and be the very best. Of course, with compassion and empathy.
I have grown to love Mondays, and I find that by setting the tone for myself at the top of the week really makes a positive difference for the days to follow.
Not everyone has this positive reinforcement, and especially if you are a woman, and especially if you are in politics!
In previous blog posts I have alluded to that women have been conditioned by a number of societal variables to check their aspirations or to be calm, not assertive, and to take whatever is handed to them rather than what they want.
Last Monday Morning:
Last Monday morning, July 20, New York Representative Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez (AOC), was called a “fucking bitch” on the steps of the United States Capital Hill by Florida Representative Ted Yoho. This was apparently in response to her “public statements that poverty and unemployment are root causes of the recent spike in crime rates in New York.”
This interaction took place face to face, with Yoho confronting and calling her “disgusting” and that she was “out of her freaking mind.” The “bitch comment” was subsequently made as he was walking away and reporters were there to witness.
Yoho office has denied calling her a “fucking bitch”, and that he was only murmuring “bullshit” to himself as he was walking away.
The use of the words “fucking bitch” was corroborated by The Hill reporter Mike Lillis, who overheard and publicly confirmed the incident.
On July 22, Yoho issued an apology for his behaviour and said despite his political differences with AOC’s, he acknowledged that they should always be cordial and respectful in their interactions. He also went on to say “having been married for 45 years with two daughters, I am very cognizant of my language. Offensive name calling words that were attributed to me by the press about my colleague (AOC), and if they were misconstrued that way, then I apologize.”
Political Crisis Management 101:
This is not a genuine apology. In politics, this is what we call crisis management through messaging:
- Acknowledge there was a problem and deny intention of offensiveness through reiterating your values of decency and respect.
- Mention your family and the influence they have on your decency.
- Apologize for anything that might have been “misinterpreted” as offensive without taking direct responsibility.
Yoho is apologizing if only people found it to be offensive, which means he didn’t. This is almost like shooting someone, and then apologizing for if the person felt hurt by the bullet the pierced through their body.
On July 23, AOC rejected the apology saying that Yoho has “no remorse” for calling and using abusive language towards women. She went on to say that the fact that he is a father of two daughters and has a wife, does not make him a decent man. In her words: a man’s decency is when he treats everyone with dignity and respect.
AOC is not the first woman to be accusted by such language, nor will she be the last. However, what is important about this situation is the willingness to call this type of behaviour out.
Dehumanizing the woman:
For far too long women have stood by and taken explicit and implicit sexist comments. Women, especially those with an opinion, which tends to happen when you are in politics, are often demonized for having them, and sometimes from male colleagues in their own caucus or party.
For some men, rather than having dialogue and healthy debates about varying opinions with female counterparts, it is far more convenient to dehumanize that person which in turn invalidates them and any positions they hold.
AOC will come out stronger from this incident and in fact, she will be far more legitimized for her opinions and positions. She has done an excellent job at not only calling Yoho out but unpacking what millions of women across the United States and the globe face on a daily basis. The only difference is she has a national platform where the rest of us don’t – and this is where the unfortunate part is.
Women experience what AOC experienced frequently, and some to much harsher extents where they are not only dehumanized and dismissed for standing their ground or position but put in uncomfortable and unfortunate circumstances by colleagues they trust and respect.
My story:
When I first started working in politics, I had an incredible mentor who took interest in my potential and professional development and connected me with the right networks in order for me to get a job.
I was incredibly grateful to this person and for a few years we worked together, had a great professional relationship and we would have monthly lunches to catch up and discuss various things that usually centred around politics. Throughout this time my career started to evolve, I started moving through the government chain and eventually landed a position as an advisor to a cabinet minister.
Through this gradual advancement, I started forming certain opinions and positions that were sometimes at odds with my mentor or I didn’t subscribe to some of the things that he would say or share with me. And this was never an issue for me as I respected this person immensely and just recognized it as differences of opinion, and would politely move on.
During our last lunch, he asked me to do something for him through the minister’s office, and I refused as it didn’t make sense and at the time, it sounded borderline unethical. We had a discussion and I explained my position, which was based on logic and facts. Needless to say, he was not pleased. Towards the end of the conversation he reminded me the debt that I owed him for all the help he had provided me, and “that women who come to positions of power always forget the men who put them there, and that I was lucky because he wasn’t like most men who expected payment with sex.”
I was speechless. I was sickened.
I couldn’t fathom or process how a person that I held with such high regard could behave or say such a thing to me. I stopped engaging with him even though he tried to connect on several occasions and even tried to get other contacts to persuade me to engage with him. He never apologized for what he said and even pretended that what he said wasn’t really what he said.
I kept this story to myself for years, and its not something that I want to recall or talk about. I attended his funeral a few years later and to this day I will never publicly speak ill about this person.
However, I am not sure if present day Sara would deal with a situation like that in the same way. I think present day Sara would have a whole lot more to say than being speechless. And the sad part about it all is that I expect someone, at some point to say something offensive or disparaging. I am ready at any given time to be demonized or dehumanized for my position and perspectives. I will likely be unfazed if a situation like that were to re-occur because I have witnessed it and I have heard stories of other women who experienced it.
Its called growing thicker skin!
But we now exist in a world where we all have to do our part and C-A-L-L IT OUT!
It doesn’t necessarily need to be a media spectacle or aggressive, but calling a person out for bad and inappropriate behaviour is necessary, especially if that person is in a position of power and influence.
I have worked with brilliant male colleagues, who are the most decent, thoughtful and compassionate people. One of them is Michael Coteau, and one thing he always reminds me and those around him is that “there is a cost to standing still.”
If we aren’t calling out disparaging comments which dehumanizes and oppresses others, then we are just as much a part of the problem as the perpetrator. The cost of standing still, of saying nothing, is that it will happen again.
In the words of AOC: to genuinely apologize is to acknowledge the wrong and to sincerely make efforts to improve what has been done, and for all of us to be able to move forward.
I am confident that we will be able to move forward and make things better for generations of women to come, but its up to all of us to do the hard work now and be sharks for ourselves and anyone else that is dehumanized and oppressed.
Until next time my sharks, be safe!
Sara Alimardani 